Life's been stress filled lately. I feel like I've been tugging myself in thirteen different directions. I'm battling a constant battle with self-image and a billion others things I can't stand to see when I look in a mirror. I feel like I've become one of those people that stand in front of the mirror, lifting their skin back, poking at it, dreading what it'll be like tomorrow.

beyond that...I have a thousand inner conflicts. My body is a constant battle field with itself right now. I wish I could make it stop, but I honestly don't see that happening.

I feel like my life is slowly falling apart. I don't know which was is up or down and I don't know which direction I'm moving. It's confusing to me. I'm so worried about tomorrow. Everyday at some point I think "what will tomorrow bring?"

hmmm..


Today I'm pretty sick. I have a small fever and I started my period, so my body is cramping against itself.  It sucks. My back, knees, stomach hurt...and my head is hot...thus causing me to sweat more than I should ;_; I feel pretty crappy, but my mood has improved a bit since yesterday. Nothing has made me smile yet though. Still waiting for someone/thing to make a smile appear superbly over my lips :)  


any takers at trying?


no? Aw well.

I'm watching another drama. It's called "Coffee Prince" I really like it so far. It's super cute. :) It's Korean.



other than that. I'm pretty boring. a little lonely....and not much for long conversation.

It's show like this that remind me I'm want it too ;_; *sniffles*

I'm on episode 15 and omfg. It's had me on the edge of my seat since episode 1. I've got five more to go!!!!



Synopsis:
More than a thousand years ago from the present time, Sung Yu Ri is the Baek Jae Empire's princess Puyeoju. Unlike other princesses, she is active and skilled in the arts and in sports. When the Baek Jae Empire crumbles due to a spy (Kim Sa Rang), she runs away with her bodyguard General Guishil Ari (So Ji Sup), and falls in love with him in the meanwhile. The new conquerer Kim Yu-suk (Kim Nam Jin) is also in love with the princess, but only receives hate in return. In a desperate attempt to win her, he kills Ari, but the princess runs away and jumps off a cliff to kill herself. While falling, she travels more than one thousand years into the future, which is our present time of 2003. Only she remains to be who she was, and she encounters Ari to be an aimless fashion designer Kang In-chul with a warm heart and bad temper. Although he is annoyed at her ignorance of the present world, he comes to fall in love with the princess again. Fujiwara Tatsuji (Kim Nam Jin) is the son of the Fujiwara dynasty, and once again is mysteriously attracted to the princess. Only she knows the past that holds all three of them together, but will things become an exact replica of the situation back then?







YAY FORRRRR SO JI SUBBBBBBB

Okey. So far I feel about two hundred times better than I did yesterday. New day. New beginning, eh?

I brought out the yoga mat early this morning and gave a good 2 A sun salutaions and 2 B sun salutations. Up dogs are the bane of my exsistance. haha. Actually they don't bother me anymore. Maybe I've gotten used to them? I think I'll do another 30minutes worth of yoga tonight..then saturday I'll up it to an hour of yoga.

By the way..for those that wonder or know anything about yoga....I do Namaste yoga. :) woo

I took some pics yesterday. They're not very good because it was hard to get a good pic since it was sooooo close and soooo big :D
^__^ There was a full rainbow over my house last night. It was kinda spiffy.


HEY. Do you know my favorite artist!?!??!!??!??!?!??! Well you can now :D

I don't know what's wrong with me. Well... I do.. but I'm not going to talk about my private feelings on line. I've been getting an impulse all week. I want to run. I want to get in my car and drive. I want to..I don't know..drive to the airport and hope on a fucking plane to Zimbabwe. I don't want anywhere to know where I'm going. The only thing's I'll take are my cat. Money. and clothes.

I can't sit still. I feel like a fucking junkie ( not that I know I'm just assuming) My skin is crawling with the need to get away.

I've even checked out fucking plane tickets to Italy and to Japan. I think I've lost it. Completely. ha-ha. I get these impulses but I never go far with them. I usually never get to this point. Fuck I want to get away. .....


anyone want to save me from Ohio....



scratch. Scratch. SCRATCH.

The itch won't leave.

I totally lied about making a post for Acen. I'm kinda of lazy and A.D.D so I really doubt I'll get around to it anytime soon. I'll sum it up. It was a great deal of fun and fantastic.


:) For those that don't know me that well..you'll soon learn and probably read/hear me talk a lot about Stephanie Meyer, who is my very recent favorite author. She is a fantastic writer. I was really surprised at how accomplished she was with her writing skills not too  mention shes fucking gorgeous. She wrote the Twilight Series. It's a series of books based on Humans, Vampires, Werewolves, and love.... Romance BWAHAHAH I am sap for romance. Fo Realz, homes. You have no idea. It's totally worth the time and money to get/read those books. Anyways....

Today I acquired her most recent novel, which hit bookstores May 6th I believe? Something REALLY recent. It's called 'Host' I'm totally stoaked to start reading it. If it's as nice out today as it was yesterday....I'm thinking I'm going to go out to the veeeerrrry back of the yard, and take a seat on the swinging bench under the trees and do a bit of reading and relaxing for a good part of the day :)...sadly... I think it's supposed to storm...but I'll still read anyways..Just ;_;....Just.....just inside *pout*

On the random tho.. I started writing again tonight. I was going through some files and I came acros i story I started writing while I was at Shinya's house back in March. Getting over my self conscious issues....here's the little blurp i wrote back then...



and on the random...not that anyone in particular cares, ......except me...and I count soooo :P bleh..anyways...this is my most absolute favorite qoute ever. Given to us by the great Lennon of john

"I believe in everything until it's disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it's in your mind. Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now?"


hmmm....This post needs pictures.... I think I should Dazzle everyone with my most favorite Korean. So Ji Sub. >:D I'll throw in some random other shit too, but mostly my main man....haha.

いっらしゃませ～

This is my 'open' journal. It's for my friends that don't have livejournal and are curious to what might be going on in my life :) So. It's public....This also means I won't be ranting here. I won't be putting out much more that what I've done and things like that. This is more like a tabs on what Shelley is doing sort of thing. If you want my personal 'friend only' journal you'll have to become an LJ user :)


This site is still under construction and I'm not sure when the 'upping' day will be. I need to figure out the html and make a header of somesort. Most likely with So Ji Sub, cause we all know how sexy that bitch is >:D bwahaha

anyways...

a real update soon :)